Marry Smart…OR DIE!

Susan Patton, The Princeton Mom, is spewing out even more nonsense advice in her new book, Marry Smart. But as she says, when it comes to advice, you can either take it, or leave it. Thanks, Susan, but we’ll be leaving it.

And now, here’s an excerpt from the new parody e-book, Marry Smart…OR DIE!, co-authored by Alyssa Wolff and Alison Leiby.

For only $0.99, you can buy your copy NOW:

The M-Words: Marriage and Motherhood

Girls, I know you didn’t think you were going to college because we wanted you to get an education. You’re smarter than that. College – but mostly Princeton – is a $200,000 investment in finding a good husband and father. Think of it as making a down payment on not having fat, dumb kids.

Some of your fellow female undergraduates might give you a hard time if you parrot this advice back to them. But don’t listen to them. They are lesbians. Or feminists. I can never remember the difference between those two.

Okay, so you don’t need a college degree to get pregnant. That’s true. But you do need it to feel like you fit in with the other parents at your son’s exclusive Manhattan pre-K program on the Upper East Side. Trust me: most rich people went to college.

People often asked me why I would throw away my expensive and prestigious Princeton education by having a family, but I always knew the true value of my degree. And seeing as I was, and always have been, a woman, it was mostly honorary.