The (Sugarcoated) Truth

Everyone is allowed to have a preference when it comes to adding (imitation) sugar to their coffee, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to judge yours.

You may think it’s just taking that bitter bite out of your over-priced morning jolt, but actually, I can tell a lot about you from your choice of sweetener:

Pure White Granulated Sugar: You’re conservative, traditional, and totally comfortable with your weight.  Your doctor has said the words “Pre-diabetic” to you, but you assume that was due in large part to the stock pile of Girl Scout Cookies you keep locked in your family’s basement freezer, and your weakness for all things Arby’s.

Splenda: You’re beautiful, smart, funny, health-conscious, and have obviously made the right choice. (Please note: I use Splenda, so…)

Sugar in the Raw:  It’s regular sugar, you dummy.  And no, you can’t smoke it.  I suggest you go back to your commune, hippy, and make some more necklaces out of hemp and granola.

Equal: You’re a working girl who paid her dues in the ’80’s, and prefers to wear running sneakers with work clothes so you can power walk on your commute.  Unfortunately, due to some outdated software on your Gateway 2000 desktop, no one has been able to e-mail you about the fact that there are other sugar-replacement options that don’t taste like poison.

Sweet-N-Low: You’re Equal’s step-mom, but you haven’t talked in years.  Also, you probably have cancer. 😦

Honey: Ugh, are you drinking tea?!

Agave Nectar: YOU’RE A MONSTER.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s